Cop Out *

Oh, Kevin Smith! From indie-God to wannabe Judd Apatow to studio whore. Don’t get me wrong, I have loved Kevin Smith for years. Clerks remains one of the best examples of mid-nineties B&W indie angst; Chasing Amy gave Ben Affleck and acting career (to the dismay of some—not me); and Dogma was one of the most original screenplays ever written. I was even fond of Clerks II and laughed through the retread that was Zack & Miri Make a Porno. No more. With Cop Out, Smith took on a script that wasn’t his, cast a couple of big names, and shat out one of the worst films of the year.

Cop Out follows buddy cops Jimmy Monroe (Bruce Willis) and Paul Hodges (Tracy Morgan) as they attempt to retrieve a rare and expensive baseball card that was stolen from Jimmy. Jimmy’s plans were to sell the card to pay for his daughter’s wedding. He doesn’t really have to—he just doesn’t want her rich stepfather to pay up instead, effectively embarrassing and emasculating poor policeman Monroe. As he and his better half Paul investigate the crime, they learn that the card has found its way into the hands of Brooklyn’s own Mexican drug lord Poh Boy (Guillermo Diaz).

An unfunny and boring sequence of events ensue. Paul and Jimmy try to get as much information as they can out of Dave (Seann William Scott), the man who originally stole the card and sold it to Poh Boy for drugs. Seann William Scott plays Dave as if he’s the comic relief in a comedy. It’s senseless. They also find the former mistress to a drug dealer in Mexico in the trunk of a car. She was kidnapped by Poh Boy for some information she has, and she improbably becomes the love interest of Paul, who throughout the movie fears that his wife Debbie (Rashida Jones) is cheating on him.

Everything comes together in the end, I guess. The plot is contrived, there are too many characters, and we don’t really care what happens to the baseball card because there is no legitimate danger in the balance. Poor editing and terrible music doesn’t help the film, not to mention Smith’s inability to direct even the simplest of action scenes. They should have seriously considered subtitling Tracy Morgan—it would have been both practical and cleverly self-aware. To be fair to Bruce Willis, he gives his best effort.

I hope Kevin Smith records a commentary track because it will surely be funnier than the movie. Cop Out is his worst film by far.