Starting January 1, 2010 I will countdown my top twenty films of the past decade, revealing one movie at a time, starting with number 20 on Jan. 1 and ending with number 1 on Jan. 20. I have decided to do a top twenty list because ten was too damn difficult. These twenty films will embody much of my taste in film, though the vast majority will be non-animated American films; your typical bunch—but these are the ones I tend to continue to love, watching them over and over again.
What about my top films of 2009, you may ask? Well, that list will come in due time, once I’ve seen what I consider to be the sufficient amount of films from this year. Considering so many good movies are released near the end of the year to cash in on the rewards season, it can be tough to play catch up. Yes, there will be one or two films from ’09 on the decade’s list, so you will have a good idea of what will show up at the top of the 2009 list.
In the meantime, I’m hoping to catch some more of the new releases in theaters.
Invictus ***1/2
Invictus is about many different things. It is about the maturation of South Africa into a nation where both apartheid and white presidents are out. All of this happens unbelievably quickly. Imagine if the United States voted a black president into office in the 1860s, or even the 1960s. Unfathomable. South Africa was going through radical changes in the early and mid-1990s, but Invictus tells the story a little differently. The film is about a nation coming together under the guidance of a man—Nelson Mandela—and how he tried to reconcile the hopes and fears of the traditionally mistreated black majority with the powerful white minority. But it is also about sports, in this case rugby, and how a simple game can transform and unify a people and a country.
Morgan Freeman plays Mandela as a quiet yet charismatic man, at once both laidback and stubborn. He moves slowly and deliberately, and he is clearly carrying familial turmoil, decades of imprisonment, and a lifetime of fighting for what he believes in. So when President Mandela asks the captain of South Africa’s national rugby team to win the 1995 Rugby World Cup, many of the characters in the movie are confused, but the audience cheerfully accepts the challenge. As the captain of the team, Francois Pienaar wants to appease the president, but he mainly wants to win. He is portrayed by Matt Damon as an open-minded white South African. “This country’s changed. We need to change as well,” Francois says to his club. With inspiration from Mandela, Francois transforms his team into both a formidable rugby team and the new symbol of South Africa. On the president’s orders, they travel to the slums and put on a camp for children. The team visits Robben Island Prison, where Mandela spent nearly twenty years of his 27 year prison term. These sequences are the most satisfying. They show how so much can change so fast.
In the end, the film is about rugby and race and politics, about a couple of men whose fates intertwined to help resuscitate democracy in a country suffocating the freedoms of its people. As a film, it is educational and inspiring. The third act drags longer than necessary, but it does little to lessen the film’s overall impact. As a director, Clint Eastwood has proven that he can consistently make really good films, and he has certainly owned this decade in that category. However, I daresay he has not made a truly great one since 1992’s Unforgiven. Invictus, while good, is no exception.
Avatar ****
About a third of the way through Avatar I was convinced the film was little more than glow-in-the-dark Lord of the Rings meets a Saturday morning cartoon version of Star Wars. The film had started to drag, the visuals had suffocated the plot, and I hadn’t seen a real-life human in about ten minutes. I quickly realized that in my haste to reconcile my own expectations with the hype surrounding the film I was attempting to appease the movie gods with some sort of homebred objectivity, however misguided. After all, this is James Cameron’s first film in twelve years; since Titanic, the most successful movie of all time, winner of eleven Academy Awards, and one of my favorite films of all time. What would—what could—I think of Avatar?
At the film’s end I was utterly bemused and simultaneously moved. But let me first rewind. The story centers on Jake Sully (Sam Worthington), an ex-marine who’s paralyzed from the waist down. His identical twin brother was a scientist working on an alien planet called Pandora. After he is shot and killed, Jake is recruited to replace his brother in the Avatar program. Led by Dr. Grace Augustine (Sigourney Weaver), Jake and a team of scientists link up to Avatar bodies that resemble the native humanoids called the Navi—tall, blue, and primitive in all but kicking ass. Jake and company are there to study Pandora, including its indigenous plants and people. However, Jake is tapped by Colonel Miles Quaritch (Stephen Lang), who wants him to assimilate into Navi society with the aim of removing the natives from their homeland. Both the scientists and the private military contractors are being paid by a private energy company. They need the Navi to relocate because their land also happens to be sitting on top of a large reserve of the energy resource.
Surprising to everyone, Jake successfully integrates into the Navi culture with the help of Neytiri (Zoe Saldana), the warrior princess of her tribe. In his Avatar body, Jake is known as a Dreamwalker to the Navi. They know he is not like them, yet they still train him in their ways and ultimately accept him into their clan. As the film progresses, we find it always visually dazzling but frequently poignant as well. Like Titanic, there is a love story—in this case, for both a person and a people—at the forefront of visually dynamic and often brutal scenes.
The film does not break new ground when it comes to the story, but it doesn’t need to. It’s obvious where the characters are heading, but it’s still satisfying when it happens. And in the third act, the film’s best, Cameron unleashes a torrent of battles and destruction and inspiration, of blood and tears and smiles. And when the credits roll, more people than not will realize what I realized: Avatar is one of the ballsiest and best movies of 2009. And I saw it in 2D.
Brothers ***1/2
Brothers is held aloft primarily by the strong performances of its three lead actors. Tobey Maguire plays Captain Sam Cahill, a family man committed to serving his country. Jake Gyllenhaal is his brother Tommy, a likeable enough guy who likes to get drunk and occasionally, and unsuccessfully, rob banks. Natalie Portman plays Grace Cahill, wife to Sam and sister-in-law to Tommy, whom she detests until he becomes a bigger part of her and her children’s lives after news of Sam’s death reaches their Minnesota home.
The rub is that Sam’s not really dead. His helicopter was shot down in Afghanistan, and we soon learn that he and one of his men are being held captive. The film intercuts between Tommy and Grace coping with the loss of a brother and a husband and Sam’s intense hardships as a “Prisoner of War.” This middle section of the film is troublesome because the Afghanistan story thread is unnecessary. It would have been more effective if we were only to imagine what Sam could have gone through in Afghanistan—how he survived, what he endured. Nonetheless, and I’m not ruining much considering it’s in the trailer, Sam eventually finds his way home.
In the third act these relationships come to a head. Sam is clearly suffering both mentally and emotionally, and it’s difficult for him to transition back to domestic life. This is especially tough considering so much has changed. Tommy has become an important part of his daughters’ lives, and Sam becomes convinced that Tommy and Grace have been intimate. Regardless of whether it happened or not, Sam is convinced it happened. He lives on pins and needles. His daughters often fear him. He can’t be close to his wife. And he is harboring severe guilt and grief.
The film is directed by Jim Sheridan, whose In America was one of the best films of 2002. At the heart of that film was family, and so it is with Brothers. I have mentioned the three leads, but there are also some other outstanding performances, most noticeably Sam Shepard as the brothers’ father and Bailee Madison as Isabelle Cahill, daughter to Sam and Grace. Her performance is so honest it’s heartbreaking. She cries at her father’s death, yet she cannot fully understand why or how he returned in the state he did. She upsettingly reminds him that “You weren’t here for my birthday,” sobbing through her anger, “you were in stupid Afghanistan.”
A Serious Man ****
A Serious Man is the kind of movie you must let wash over you. It is many things: religious fable, absurdist tragedy, surreal dark comedy. It’s no surprise that it’s also the new film by Joel and Ethan Coen, the consummate Brothers Grimm of eclectic moviemaking, their finished products more often than not a mix between First Edition Kurt Vonnegut and Bogart Noir. With A Serious Man we get something a little different, but it still incorporates many of their favorite themes. The single dominant trait of a Coen film is that the protagonist is in way over his head, and much of the time it’s not his fault.
In this film it’s Larry Gopnik (Michael Stuhlbarg). Larry lives in a Minneapolis suburb in the mid-1960s. He has a wife and kids. He is a Professor of Physics. He’s Jewish. But all at once his life begins to fall apart. His wife wants a divorce, his daughter steals money from his wallet, he is simultaneously bribed and blackmailed by a student, and no rabbi has the spiritual answers he’s looking for. In a prologue to the film set in Poland some time ago, we learn that a family may have accidently invited an undead man into their home. The wife believes it cursed them. Is that what it takes to be cursed? Or was it because she stabbed the so-called dybbuk, and he may have just been a man? Maybe it doesn’t take anything at all.
Larry is inundated with so many irrelevancies throughout the film it makes for an incredibly relatable story. Every time he walks into his office he is harassed by Columbia Record Club seeking payment. His neighbor begins to slowly mow part of Larry’s lawn, effectively extending his property so he can add on to his home. When meeting with a rabbi, Larry receives a call from home. He quickly takes the call, thinking something terrible has happened. “F Troop is fuzzy again,” his son says. Jesus and Job, he can’t catch a break.
The film will no doubt have its detractors. It’s abstract, which doesn’t sit well with many people. The beginning sets the tone, but the ending never really comes. But it’s quite funny. “We can’t ever really know what’s going on,” says Larry at one point, and the movie continues to hammer on this point. Near the end of the film, we finally meet Marshak, the elder rabbi with whom Larry wanted to meet but was never granted the appointment. It is the day of Larry’s son’s Bar Mitzvah. When the son sits down, Marshak looks up and hands the young man his radio he had confiscated earlier in the film. The rabbi then says something profound, but we’ve heard it all before. Cue music.
New Moon **1/2
Anyway, the plot of New Moon really starts when Edward leaves. He says that his family must relocate because they’ve been there a bit too long without aging and people are starting to notice. “I don’t want you to come,” he tells Bella, as if we believe him. He’s trying to protect her from his family, one of which attacked her when she cut herself unwrapping her birthday present (a symbol of her life and aging!). The Cullens are a nice family of vampires, but they’re still vampires, and you never know what could happen.
Bella falls into a state of depression for months after Edward leaves, doing little more than sitting in her room and going to school. This portion of the film is actually an astute look at the pseudo-depression that inflicts so many high school kids. It’s real because it feels real, and the film does a fine job of relating Bella’s state of mind. She shuns her friends until finally she reaches out to Jacob (Taylor Lautner), a Native American who lives on the reservation near Forks. They begin to fix up motorcycles together, and it’s obvious that while Bella likes Jacob, he likes her a bit more. Another common high school problem.
From there, the film plays out in your typical not-so Romeo & Juliet sort of way, bringing the supernatural back to the forefront of the story. The scenes with the Volturi (aka vampire royalty) are entertaining, with Michael Sheen and Dakota Fanning portraying some powerfully scary vamps. All together, New Moon is a sold achievement. It’s an improvement over Chris Weitz’s last film from a popular book series, The Golden Compass, and with a bigger budget than the first Twilight movie he was able to achieve a bit more visually. Of the three lead actors, Lautner’s performance is the weakest, but it seems to matter little to the tweens in the audience who hoot and holler for his killer abs and biceps. On its surface, New Moon is PG porn for pre-teen girls and their moms. But it’s also a relatively well crafted special effects film.
2012 ***
The first half of 2012 has the makings of a typical disaster movie: warning signs, character introduction, and then characters in peril. This is the fourth big-budget disaster movie directed by Roland Emmerich, whose Independence Day was brilliant and whose Godzilla I’m convinced was released unfinished. 2012 is good but not great, almost serving as an improved remake of his last foray into the genre, The Day After Tomorrow.
This time around we get John Cusack (score!) playing Jackson Curtis, the ordinary man who finds himself in extraordinary times. Jackson is a writer and divorced father of two, and when he gets the opportunity to take his kids camping in Yellowstone, he learns some key information. First, he stumbles onto some restricted grounds and meets Dr. Adrian Helmsley (Chiwetel Ejiofor), a geologist working for the federal government who has already discovered that the world is quickly coming to an end. Coincidentally, Dr. Helmsley is reading Jackson’s book Farewell Atlantis. Second, Jackson meets Charlie Frost (Woody Harrelson), a crazy radio broadcaster living in the park who tells him about how the Mayans predicted the end of the world in 2012. And the government knows, Charlie says, “they’re building spaceships.” Yeah, right.
After the setup, the movie kicks into high gear as Jackson races back to his southern California home to rescue his ex-wife (Amanda Peet), kids, and “the other guy.” The special effects are some of the most impressive in film, though the movie relies almost completely on green screen instead of a healthy mixture of models and sets. After narrowly escaping certain death by only fractions of a second about a half dozen times, the main characters find themselves in a third act that’s too isolated. The first two thirds of the film are a joy to watch, but the last third drags a bit. After what we’ve seen, we just don’t believe that the characters are in danger, especially when it seems like the impending doom is moving in slow motion.
The filmmakers could have shaved twenty minutes off the nearly 2 hours and 45 minutes running time and nobody would have complained. But as disaster movies go, Emmerich likes them big and bold, and 2012 does not disappoint.
The Men Who Stare at Goats **
The Men Who Stare at Goats is littered with top name actors, each of whom have too little to do in a film that lacks a coherent story. The primary character is Bob Wilton (Ewan McGregor), a journalist working in Ann Arbor who decides to go to Iraq to cover the war after his wife leaves him. It’s not so much a death wish or a journalistic ambition as it is a foolhardy gesture to prove to his wife that he’s worth a damn. When Bob arrives, he’s stuck in a hotel in Kuwait for over a month. While sitting in the bar one night, he strikes up a conversation with a man. He quickly finds out this is Lynn Cassady (George Clooney), a name he recognizes from an interview he did with Gus Lacey (Stephen Root) back in Ann Arbor. Lacey told him all about a program in the Army where they were training psychic soldiers—Jedi Warriors—and that Lynn Cassady was one of the best. That’s pretty ironic, though. Bob came halfway round the world and met Lynn by chance?
So Bob and Lynn embark on a journey across the border and danger and hilarity ensues. This story shares equal screen time with a copious amount of flashbacks of how the New Earth Army (Jedi school) came to be in the first place. We meet many strange characters, including the founder of the psychic warriors, Bill Django (Jeff Bridges channeling The Dude). Lynn became Bill’s best student. But there is also Lynn’s nemesis Larry Hooper (Kevin Spacey), an arrogant and ambitious Jedi (basically a Sith). The dynamic of the characters are traditional, but the structure often convolutes the primary plot with Bob and Lynn in Iraq. The filmmakers wanted everything to neatly converge in the end, but it doesn’t really work. This structure is more fitting for a book, so it’s no surprise the film is based on one.
While everything we learn about the program is interesting, it doesn’t make for a particularly engaging film. There is not much to invest in, character, plot, or otherwise. Sure, there is a handful of laugh out loud moments, but these are few and far between. More often than not, I found myself distracted by Jeff Bridges playing such a similar character to The Dude; I kept chuckling every time the word Jedi was mentioned in front of Ewan McGregor, an actor who played an actual Jedi in three films; and I kept thinking how that other George Clooney movie that takes place during the other Iraq war is much better. I’d rather watch The Big Lebowski, Star Wars, or Three Kings any day.
The Box **1/2
The Box is a big, silly film that deals with so many issues I don’t know where to begin. For starters, let’s try the plot. One early morning, a married couple is awoken by someone at the door. The couple is Arthur and Norma Lewis (James Marsden and Cameron Diaz), your typical 1976 Virginia twosome, happily married with a son. When Norma rolls out of bed and down the stairs, she finds only a box sitting on the porch and a black sedan pulling away. Very ominous. When Arthur and Norma open the box they find another box, this one locked, with a button on top. An enclosed note reads that Arlington Steward (Frank Langella) will return later to explain. When he does, with half his face missing, Norma is alone. Arlington says that if she and her husband push the button, two things will happen: 1) someone they don’t know, somewhere in the world, will die; and 2) they will be given one million dollars cash. Even more ominous.
We have already learned that the private school at which Norma teaches is ending the tuition discount for her son. In addition to this, Arthur (who is a scientist with NASA) has been denied entrance into the Astronaut program because he failed the psychological test. “We’re already living paycheck to paycheck,” Norma tells her friend. Wait, what? They both still have their jobs, a big house, their son attends private school, and Arthur drives a brand new Corvette. Not exactly slumming it. Either way, I’m not spoiling much to say that they push the button.
The rest of the film deals with the consequences of this action. There are many subtle moments throughout the movie that we think will become important later, climaxing in one grand sequence. The film’s main problem is that this doesn’t really happen. As we learn different aspects of what might be going on, we are intrigued. But the parts never really add up to the whole. The strengths lie in the setup of the story, which is based on “Button, Button” by Richard “I am Legend” Matheson. Who is Arlington Steward? If the button works, then how? Why? The decision to set the film in 1976 works well. The set design and costumes are great, and the look of the film is very 70’s—muted pastel colors and a good use of lens filters. I was surprised to learn that director Richard Kelly shot digitally, as it would make sense to shoot a period piece on film (I’m looking at you, Michael Mann).
I’m not a huge believer in the sophomore slump (ever hear of Pulp Fiction or Boogie Nights?), but Richard Kelly’s last film Southland Tales would certainly qualify. His first was Donnie Darko, which is a good movie that has earned a solid following. The Box falls somewhere in between. Most of all, it shows that Kelly can be in demand technically. But it also proves for the third time in a row that he loves to tell a story with detours that dead-end.
A Christmas Carol ***1/2
A Christmas Carol is Robert Zemeckis’s third motion-captured animated film, and it is his best. This time around he takes another classic Christmas tale (his first being The Polar Express) and transforms it into the most visually dazzling adaptation of Charles Dickens’s novel. During the opening title sequence, the camera soars above mid-nineteenth century London, weaving over rooftops and around buildings. It’s a marvelous showcase for the film’s visual style, and Zemeckis has learned how to take full advantage of the burgeoning technology he continues to champion.
Everybody knows Ebenezer Scrooge, the iconic old grouch who wants nothing to do with holiday merriment. Even with the character’s numerous incarnations, Jim Carrey brings something new to the portrayal, aided by character-driven computer rendering that allows the actor to dictate the character’s full performance. But Scrooge is also animated, so when the feeble old man falls flat on his face, we know he’ll be okay.
As the story goes, Scrooge is visited on Christmas Eve by three spirits: the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Yet to Come. The lessons of the spirits are clear enough and well known by all. In the past, Scrooge sees himself as he once was—a lonely child, a jovial young man, and as a businessman that becomes increasingly crotchety with increasing age. In the present, he sees how his behavior adversely affects those around him, and in the future he sees his grave and how he will be remembered. That is, of course, only if the path he’s set before himself remains unaltered. The moral of the story? Alter the path.
In most of these sequences, we also see life in cold, old London. We see how thrifty Scrooge is with his coal, and we are so convinced by how cold the streets look, how dark and frozen, that we feel the coldness of a pre-industrial city. We see the want. Juxtapose this with kids running and playing, the warmness and love in many of the homes, and the all around cheer of the holiday, and we understand the general tone of the film. Scrooge is left cold and lonely because he rejects what Christmas represents to so many people. We know how the story goes, Tiny Tim and all, but it’s still great to see the old man’s transformation, and the city’s by extension.
As for Robert Zemeckis, he has always been a frontiersman when it comes to advances in filmmaking, and he always will be. While he is able to do more with motion-captured animation, I fear he will lose sight of what he’s done so well in the past, including not only conventional filming but also producing original stories. It has been almost ten years since Cast Away was released, and that’s far too long.
The Fourth Kind ***
It’s difficult to review The Fourth Kind based on how much of it is “real.” While viewing the film, I was amazed at the lengths the filmmakers went to convince us that not only was the story based on actual case studies, but that much of the film had actual audio and video recordings from the supposed real-life cases.
At the beginning of the movie, actress Milla Jovovich addresses the camera, insisting that what follows is all based on archival footage and testimony. She plays Dr. Abigail Tyler, a psychologist living in Nome, Alaska who discovers haunting similarities in her patients’ cases pertaining to owls and repressed memories. In addition to this footage, we see an interview the director taped with the “real” Dr. Tyler that is interspersed throughout the movie, as well as “real” footage of the actual patients during taped therapy sessions and through police video cameras.
The film feels like an episode of 48 Hours Mystery meets 24. Whereas movies like The Blair Witch Project and Paranormal Activity claim to be real, no one actually believes that they are, largely because it is quickly revealed that they are actors playing a part. It’s a different story with The Fourth Kind. Not only is the “real” footage ultra-realistic, but it’s also based on UFOs and alien abduction theory, phenomena that have hordes of believers worldwide. Plus, neither the director nor the studio admits that the footage is bogus. I viewed the film before having read any reviews of it, and I was easily convinced that the footage was genuine. Does this make me naïve? Perhaps.
After doing a little investigating (what most people say when they mean “googling”), I found several articles that discredit the film’s authenticity and several more that defend it on the basis that it changed both names and locations, and that is why skeptics could not find any evidence of a real Dr. Tyler. Regardless of its validity, the film is still intriguing. There are some very scary moments—especially if you believe that the video you are watching is real—that include domestic violence and what appears to be some sort of alien possession. It contains at least three sequences I found more disturbing than anything in Paranormal Activity, and they all involved “real” footage. What came to my mind about 10 minutes in was that if what I am watching is a real interview; if these are real therapy sessions; if that is a real police video camera, then why are there actors in this film at all? Shouldn’t this be a thoroughly researched documentary? In my mind, that is probably the best evidence for filmmaking chicanery. But it still entertains.
Paranormal Activity **1/2
By the end of Paranormal Activity, it seems that half of the audience will be terrified and the other half utterly disappointed. I fall somewhere in the middle, giving the movie due credit because while not particularly scary, it held my suspense for an hour and a half, even if those last five seconds were more fleeting than frightening. The film is primarily shot by the actors using a handheld video camera, following the Blair Witch model of faux-documentary (“thanks to the police and families, blah blah”) filmmaking. For Paranormal in particular, the filmmakers stretched their microbudget to the max, utilizing simple effects only a handful of times to build suspense.
As for the story, twenty-somethings and boyfriend-girlfriend Micah (Micah Sloat) and Katie (Katie Featherston) have moved in together and begin to experience strange occurrences in their new San Diego home. After calling in a psychic to investigate, we learn that these sorts of things have been happening to Katie since she was a little girl. The psychic thinks they’re not just dealing with a ghost, but a demon—a non-human entity that has been following Katie throughout her life for one reason or another. Micah has bought a camera to catch the happenings on video, but this seems to exasperate the situation (aka piss off the demon). The paranormal activity increases—more sounds and noises, fires, cracked pictures, etc.
Because of the style of storytelling, Micah and Katie must constantly appear natural and comfortable within their home and genuinely perturbed at the activity, and both actors suit their roles well. The handheld camerawork is generally shaky and uninspired (as it should be), but the night sequences have a distinct look. The camera is positioned in the corner of the room facing the bed and door, and this shot has already become synonymous with the movie and will probably become more iconic as the film continues to be successful (as did the over-parodied snot-shot in Blair Witch).
When the end does finally arrive, the viewer may be taken aback, but I found the last image more irritating than scary. Whereas throughout the movie, all of the phenomena took place in the real world, the last shot of the film is more effects-laden, and the increasing activity eventually reaches a point of diminishing returns. Indeed, on my drive home from the theater, I was not at all scared (and I get scared), and I had little to no trouble sleeping that night. Until I heard a noise.
This Is It ***
Michael Jackson’s This Is It is a strange experience. Given the entertainer’s untimely death earlier this year, the film stands as a last vestige of his performance—a capstone to his life he would unknowingly bequeath to the world. As a film, it is a combination of some documentary-style interviews and concert rehearsal footage, though the latter is more apt to describe the film’s feel, and it is the vast majority of what we see on screen. Because it is generally rehearsal footage from his last scheduled tour, the film lacks the punch of genuine insight into the man. It’s hard to complain, however, because it rarely fails to entertain.
Throughout the movie we see a strong and healthy Michael. He appears fit and much more active than most fifty year olds I know, which helps explain why his death was such a surprise to so many that were close to him. He is in top form vocally and physically; he is in control, but we never hear much more than a minor complaint or suggestion. More often than not, he retorts “this is why we rehearse,” revealing that his perfectionist personality is paved with soft-spoken poise.
The most satisfying sequence for me was the filming of the footage to be used during his performance of “Smooth Criminal.” Michael is integrated into some 1930s and 40s gangster films, running from the mob before jumping through a window. Its camp value is enough to give you a chuckle, but it's also very apropos—very smooth—and the editing of the sequence is marvelous, intercutting between the filming, the rehearsals, and what appears to be the finished product.
In the end, true Michael Jackson fans (and I cannot claim to be in their ranks) will love the film if only because it is layered with so many of his most treasured hits. For casual admirers and those interested in the human condition, it leaves some to be desired. But like I said, I can’t complain. As a love letter to Michael; the final goodbye, if you will, the film can be moving. It’s clearer than ever that the man was one of a kind—he did things his way—for better or for worse. And it’s a testament to him that when his director asks him how he will know the timing of a video cue he will not be able to see, Michael says, “I’ll just feel it.” And we believe him.
Halloween Flicks!
Oh, October! You can just sense the atmosphere. As I sit here at my desk, there’s a nip in the air (yes, inside as well), lots of leaves on the ground (just outside), and some apple cider in my mug. And, as if I need to mention it, Halloween rapidly approaches. Originally, I was going to countdown my top ten horror films of all time, one day at a time, peaking on that most frightful of days. Instead, I decided to do something a little different. So for those faint-hearted, weak-kneed little children that tend to cover their eyes, wet their beds, and perhaps even pass out at the sight of blood and guts, you get off light. I have haphazardly compiled a list of non-horror films that are perfect for a slightly more wholesome Halloween night. Here they are, all whopping six of them, simply in the order I wrote them:
Ed Wood (1994): For my money, this is Tim Burton’s best film and one of Johnny Depp’s most enjoyable performances to watch. With its beautiful black and white photography, Ed Wood captures the essence of 1950’s monster movies as well as the story of one struggling filmmaker’s continued attempts to make them. It is a compliment to the filmmakers that we root for Wood to succeed even when we know his unabashed enthusiasm leads him in all the wrong directions. Based on the true story of Edward D. Wood, Jr. (aka the “worst director of all time”), it is both aesthetically satisfying and surprisingly touching. Martin Landau deservedly won an Oscar for his portrayal of screen icon Bela Lugosi.
Ghostbusters (1984): If you don’t love Ghostbusters, then you’re probably certifiable. This hilarious, big-budget romp through ghost-ridden Manhattan contains so many things we love about film in the ‘80s: some great, cheesy special effects, a kick-ass theme song (probably second only to “Power of Love” from Back to the Future), and Bill Murray. Along with Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis, and Ernie Hudson, these modern day knights rid their city of evil only for it to return in a subpar sequel. Director Ivan Reitman never topped himself with this gem.
American Movie (1999): Not many people would include a documentary on their list of films to watch on Halloween. Not a real one at least. But if there’s a great one to watch that’s not too on the nose, then it’s American Movie. This film examines the plight of Mark Borchardt, an aspiring filmmaker who wants nothing more than to finish his little horror film. He is consistently weighted down by his own ambitions, lack of funds, and alcoholism, but Mark is a surprisingly intelligent and articulate man. From what I can tell, he is capable filmmaker. Like Ed Wood, he is enthusiastic. But most of the time, he gets in the way of himself, and all too often it seems he just wants to be rich and famous.
Shadow of the Vampire (2000): This film presupposes that Max Schreck was so convincing as the vampire in the 1922 adaptation of Bram Stoker’s Dracula because he was actually a vampire. That film, Nosferatu, is widely hailed as a classic of German expressionism. Set during the filming of Nosferatu, Shadow of the Vampire focuses on the relationship between Schreck and director F.W. Murnau. Creepy in its own right, this film is interesting as conjecture. With solid performances by Willem Dafoe (Schreck) and John Malkovich (Murnau), it is sure to entertain.
Shaun of the Dead (2004): One of the funniest films of all time, Shaun of Dead is nothing if not the crown jewel of horror comedies. It’s got everything: zombies, blood, Brits. With this and Danny Boyle’s 28 Days Later, as well as Zak Snyder’s remake of Dawn of the Dead, we were treated to a resurrection of modern-day zombie movies. Which is great.
Young Frankenstein (1974): Mel Brooks at his best, Young Frankenstein is a funny look at what happens when the descendent of the original Dr. Frankenstein repeats the experiment. By the way, it’s pronounced “Fronkensteen.”
Okay, sure, there are a lot more films that I could have included on this list. I’ve probably forgotten a bunch as well. You can have your Beetlejuice I suppose, but I didn’t want to include two Tim Burton films, and Ed Wood is better. I would have probably included Death Becomes Her if I had seen it more recently than ten years ago. I remember that it rocks, but I haven’t seen it since then, so maybe it doesn’t. Even Donnie Darko is appropriate—it takes place during Halloween and it includes screenshots of The Evil Dead, which is never a bad thing. While I’m on the Evil Dead series, I feel like they are more horror films than not, so I decided not to include any of them. Though I did include Shaun of the Dead, which is basically a zombie movie. So sue me. For the little ones, the Harry Potter series should suffice. Because it’s awesome and has witches and whatnot.
So in all, you should check out any of these movies if you’re looking for a not-so-scary flick on that very scariest of nights.
Law Abiding Citizen **
Nick Rice (Jamie Foxx) is Philadelphia’s District Attorney and the man who brokered the deal that gave Darby limited jail time. He is a husband and father, and he while he wants nothing more than to protect his family, he is consistently outsmarted by Shelton, who holds Rice responsible for effectively allowing the man who murdered his wife and child to manipulate the system.
The film is directed by F. Gary Gray, whose last feature was Be Cool, probably the worst adaptation of an Elmore Leonard novel to date. Law Abiding Citizen is a better film than that, but it’s riddled with so many problems that it’s increasingly frustrating to watch. Why does Shelton wait ten years to start offing people? I guess it happens to coincide with the execution of one of the men convicted for the death of his family, so it gives him a chance to tamper with the lethal injection formula. He says it’s not for revenge, so it’s about the judicial system, right? But then why must he corrupt the execution, which seems to be just in his mind? It’s simply not painful enough?
As the climax approaches, the film throws a couple of twists and turns at us, but nothing too revelatory. The primary problem is that by the end of the movie, Shelton has orchestrated so many heinous acts that we no longer feel much sympathy toward him. Sure, we’re peeved about the way the justice system rewards criminals for ratting on their criminal buddies. But Shelton is a criminal too. He’s apparently always been a killer. He graduates to full-blown terrorist. And now he’s an asshole as well.
Whip It ***1/2
What a wonderful movie. Whip It stars Ellen Page in her first lead role since her Oscar-nominated performance in Juno. This time around she plays Bliss Cavendar, an intelligent outsider searching for stability in the doldrums of small-town, high school life. Bliss has been playing along with her mother’s idea of opportunity by participating in pageants and mother/daughter brunches in their small Texas town of Bodeen, but it’s clear by her hair-dying defiance that she’d rather be anyplace else. Then, on one fateful shopping trip to nearby Austin, she sees some roller-derbying chicks skate into the store to drop off some flyers. Bliss nabs one up. She’s found her niche.
Before long, she’s tried out for and made the Hurl Scouts, a roller derby team whose members include Maggie Mayhem (Kristen Wiig), Rosa Sparks (Eve), Bloody Holly (Zoe Bell), and Smashley Simpson (Drew Barrymore). Bliss tells her parents (played by Marcia Gay Harden and Daniel Stern) that she’s taking an SAT class but instead reinvents herself as Babe Ruthless, a speedy, quick-hitting roller girl whose found a family of empowered women with whom to bond.
The story is simple enough. It is a coming-of-age sports movie with typical plot points. The only significant hiccup is a side story involving Bliss finding and then losing love, hallmarked by an underwater scene that is a bit overplayed. Literally. You can’t breathe underwater that long. Other than that, Whip It is the sort of movie that puts a smile on your face. The coach of the Hurl Scouts is played by Andrew Wilson, who looks a bit like brother Luke and sounds more like other brother Owen, and he is consistently funny. Even Jimmy Fallon, who is better in small doses (check out his role in Almost Famous), gives a good performance as the announcer at the derby matches. Of course, it is Ellen Page who has the most to do, and she does the most with it. Though she will be able to play a high school kid for a few more years, it will be nice to see her in more mature roles in the future.
The film is a joy to watch; it’s entertaining and funny, inspiring and heartfelt. It is the directorial debut of Drew Barrymore, a descendant of Hollywood royalty who’s been on the silver screen since she was a little girl. With Whip It she proves she has more skills than that of an adequate actress. The look of the film is of an established director, and she truly has another career behind the camera. Perhaps that’s for the best.
Where the Wild Things Are ***
The story is based on Maurice Sendak’s enormously popular 1963 children’s book. In the illustrations, Max is sent to his bedroom without supper and a forest grows right up in the middle of the room. For the movie, director Spike Jonze (his first film since 2002’s Adaptation) oddly omits this detail, missing an excellent opportunity to create a special effects sequence that would showcase one of the most iconic scenes in the book. However, when Max hops in the boat, crosses the sea, and then disembarks on foreign lands, the Wild Things are unmistakable. The creatures are a mixture of practical costumes and CGI, and the voice work is superb. It feels like those little drawings have truly come to life.
As in the book, Max declares himself King of the Wild Things. From there on, the movie extrapolates Sendak’s themes to craft a story of heightened emotions. All of the Wild Things are children at heart. They love adventure and fun; they love having a leader; they love each other. And like children, when things go wrong, they throw tantrums, they cry, and they get angry. The problem is their new king is a child as well. Carol (James Gandolfini) is the most prominent of the creatures and the one closest to Max, probably because they have the most in common. Carol too gets easily frustrated, though he would like nothing more than for everybody to just be happy and to be together.
As a parable of family life from the perspective of a child, the film speaks to the experience of childhood. Though it is relatively funny, especially when the Wild Things interact with each other, a lot of the movie may go over the heads of some children and be too scary for others. For those perceptive children, it will be a delight, and they may understand more than their parents give them credit for. After all, when Max hugs his mother upon his return, it is a shared experience. We’ve all been kids before, and some of us still are.
Couples Retreat **
The film quickly introduces the characters by showing superficial glimpses into their home lives, but there is not really enough set-up for any future pay-off. There are just too many characters with which to work. When they do make it to the so-called paradise, it’s a surprise to everyone that couples skill-building is mandatory. This is the angle of the film, and the story is meant to focus on the hilarity that could ensue from dysfunctional relationships. But it never quite clicks. The film attempts to be too real when it comes to the relationship stories and then tries to play fun with it. What’s funny about divorce at this point? Why do they need to come to a tropical resort for relationship counseling anyway?
Alas, the film does have its funny moments, especially when Vince Vaughn is on target. The film was written by Jon Favreau and Vaughn, and it was directed by their long-time producer Peter Billingsley (Ralphie in A Christmas Story). Billingsley definitely has a future as a director, and as the years go on it becomes clearer that Favreau is much better as a director than an actor. As for Vaughn, his last three films, including Four Christmases and Fred Claus, have all been safe, mainstream material designed to showcase his comedic talent, but all three have missed the mark. It would be nice to see him vary his roles a bit, as he has been playing the same character for a few years now.
All together, Couples Retreat is exactly what it’s meant to be: a straightforward romantic comedy with some good scenery, some good jokes, and a lot of uncomfortable moments. Most of the time, that’s not enough.
The Informant! ***1/2
The Informant! solidifies that Steven Soderbergh will continue to be as prolific as ever, seemingly undaunted by the experience of making Che, his most ambitious and challenging project to date. In his newest film, Matt Damon stars as Mark Whitacre, a biochemist turned businessman working for the lysine developing company ADM. When a Japanese competitor reveals to Mark that the reason lysine production has dropped is because a mole has been sabotaging ADM from within, the FBI is brought in to investigate the situation. Then Whitacre drops the bombshell: what the FBI really should be investigating is ADM’s involvement in international price fixing.
So Whitacre turns informant. Or so it seems. He agrees to provide the FBI with tapes proving the price fixing scheme, but he then says the Japanese blackmailer has stopped demanding money for the mole’s identity. He makes no tapes. He claims ADM has changed its ways. The FBI doesn’t believe him, so they give him a polygraph. He fails. This is how Mark Whitacre finally agrees to fully cooperate, and he proceeds to provide hundreds of tapes over the course of nearly three years to the FBI proving that ADM’s corporate malfeasance resulted in the defrauding of hundreds of millions of dollars from consumers worldwide.
If it were only that simple. While The Informant! has been compared to Michael Mann’s whistle-blowing thriller The Insider, it has as much in common with another Russell Crowe vehicle, A Beautiful Mind. Like John Nash, Mark Whitacre lived a double life; he was convinced of his ability and his importance, and he believed in the power of secret intel. “You can call me 0014,” says Whitacre, “because I’m twice as smart as 007.” Whereas the other films are carried by thrilling sequences, however, The Informant! is slower and more comedic.
Matt Damon is terrific as Whitacre, displaying impeccable comedic timing and psychological nuance. The scenes in which he is under pressure are the most satisfying, as you never know if his response is genuine or false. If you do not already know the story, I will not spoil the ending. Suffice it to say, Mark Whitacre lied, cheated, and stole. But he was also an informant. And things are never as simple as they seem. It’s not until the end that we realize that The Informant! is first and foremost a character study of a man we are warned to judge cautiously. There’s no doubt that whether he was with his bosses at ADM or his FBI contacts, Mark Whitacre was always the smartest man in the room. And the dumbest.
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs ***
If Up is one of the most moving and adventurous animated films in years, then Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs is surely one of the funniest. Flint Lockwood (voiced by Bill Hader) is an enthusiastic, albeit unsuccessful inventor living on the tiny island of Shallow Falls in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. When the island’s sardine-driven economy dries up, its residents are forced to live on a diet that is short on variety if not imagination. But when the FLDSMDFR (Flint Lockwood Diatonic Super Mutating Dynamic Food Replicator) is shot into the sky, food begins to rain from the heavens, and Flint becomes the unlikely hero. What better place for it than the clouds?
Sam Sparks (Anna Farris), an aspiring meteorologist from New York City is on the scene to witness this “food weather,” and it’s a good thing, because the town’s mayor is able to broadcast the phenomenon to the entire world, inviting tourists with the hope of sparking the island’s economy. She also serves as Flint’s eventual love interest, providing the characters with some of their more awkward moments and one very sweet one inside the bowels of a giant gelatinous mountain.
With great, colorful animation and an equally colorful imagination, the film’s greatest spectacle is when the food falls from the sky. As the third act begins, the food portions get bigger and scarier, and where once the island suffered from lack of food it now suffers from an overabundance. And a giant spaghetti tornado. Flint must find the courage to save not only his little island but also the entire planet. The food weather has begun to invade, as the film smartly points out, all of the major landmarks throughout the world.
What makes Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs a great family film is that it’s funny for the entire family, not just the kids. For a movie to succeed in the saturated computer animated film market, it must appeal to everyone. This one fits the bill. It is a broad comedy for children, but it has developed characters, and even the minor ones have significant story arcs, including Flint’s dad (James Caan), Mayor Shelbourne (Bruce Campbell), Baby Brent (Andy Samberg), and Officer Devereaux (Mr. T.). Though I did not see this film in 3-D, it seems to be the perfect vehicle for the technology. It is both lovable and funny. And it makes you hungry.
Zombieland ***
Zombieland sounds like a theme park, so it makes sense the climax of this zom-com takes place in Pacific Playland, a fictional amusement park outside of Los Angeles. The movie stars rollercoaster alum Jesse Eisenberg (Adventureland) as Columbus, a shy college student who managed to survive the zombie apocalypse because he follows a list of survival rules. He soon meets up with Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), a zombie-killing, Bill Murray-loving, Twinkie-craving kind of a guy, and the two of them become the last bromance in z-land.
The film’s plot is pretty standard for zombie movies. Both Columbus and Tallahassee have experienced a tragic loss, and each are seeking solace in survival. They meet up with Wichita (Emma Stone) and Little Rock (Abigail Breslin), a pair of sisters headed for L.A. in hopes of finding a zombie-free zone and recapturing some happy memories from their childhood. We learn a bit of back story on each of these characters through flashbacks, but the film’s primary concern is laughter, not story.
And there is much laughter to be had. Director Ruben Fleischer integrates Columbus’s rules to survive Zombieland in pop-up text on the screen, and it is one of the funnier gags throughout the movie. As for the characters, Woody Harrelson and Jesse Eisenberg have good chemistry as the mismatched duo and both are very funny. They are a sort of odd couple for the post-apocalyptic twenty-first century.
But it is Columbus, who narrates the film, to whom we relate. He falls pretty hard for Wichita, which is more daring than it sounds considering the last girl he shared a fleeting moment with ended up trying to eat him. In one scene, Columbus makes the decision to stay with the group instead of heading back to his hometown in Ohio (as in Columbus). For once in his life, Columbus feels like part of a family, and it’s obvious that his feelings for Wichita are more than platonic.
The group continues to move west, bickering along the way, eventually making it to Los Angeles. The last ten minutes of the film ups the zombie body count by about a thousand, and in a pivotal moment, Columbus deliberately breaks one of his rules (gasp!). In sum, Zombieland is America’s answer to Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright’s brilliant British zombie comedy Shaun of the Dead. That film was more subtle and nuanced, yet somehow still broader and funnier. There are flashes of brilliance in Zombieland to match it, especially in the sequence where the characters crash in the Hollywood home of a star that’s at the tippity top of the A-list. As a whole, though, Zombieland is good fun, but it’s no Shaun of the Dead.
Rule #24: Double
9 **1/2
Picture from: zap2it.com
9 takes place in a world where humans have been killed off by the very machines of their making. This storyline has been recycled time and again, from the robot in Metropolis (1927) and Hal in 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) to the machine-controlled apocalyptic earths in The Terminator (1984) and The Matrix (1999). But none of those movies are animated, and none have nine ragdolls leading the resistance.
The film begins with #9 (voiced by Elijah Wood) awakening in a house, only to realize the world around him is in shambles. He finds a little plate, zips it up inside him, and wanders off. He soon meets up with #2 (Martin Landau), a craftier, older design, who marvels at the little plate, knowing what it is and what it does. Or not. Truth be told, I still don’t know what this little thing does. The film’s plot is almost an aside, seemingly moving sideways more than forward. We find pieces of the puzzle, but they never really add up to the whole.
The dialogue is too simple, never properly utilizing the voice talents of Wood, Jennifer Connelly (#7), Crispin Glover (#6), or Christopher Plummer (#1). It might as well be a silent film, because the star of the movie is the animation. Shane Acker, the director’s whose short film on which the feature is based was nominated for an Academy Award, is in complete control as a visual artist. Each character looks and moves differently. In the best sequence of the film, the dolls find a record of “Somewhere over the Rainbow.” As the music plays, there is such a sense of wonderment amidst such chaos. #3 and #4 dance atop the vinyl as it spins. It is such a perfect combination of picture and sound.
As the story unfolds, there are sequences of journeys and rescues, of internal struggle, flashbacks, and fierce robotic dogs. Not surprisingly, it feels like a string of short films that don’t quite fit together. The ending of 9 is as confounding as the rest of the film. At a brisk 80 minutes, we’re convinced we must have seen something, but we’re just not sure what.
All together, 9 is unnecessary as a feature film, and it is difficult to recommend as such. Unlike with Pixar, the leader in computer animated movies, Acker’s film does not contain relationships in which we feel invested. There is a good film in the material somewhere, and perhaps it remains in the original short, but I look forward to seeing Acker’s visual ability resurface in future projects. With an improved plot, he will no doubt make a much better, more entertaining, and more indelible mark on animated storytelling.
Jennifer’s Body ***
About twelve seconds into Jennifer’s Body we realize that Diablo Cody’s writing style was not solely intended for Juno, a screenplay for which she won an Oscar. Given your tastes, this may be good or bad news. This time around we find Megan Fox playing Jennifer, a gorgeous, popular cheerleader, and all around goddess of small-town Minnesota’s Devil’s Kettle High School. Her best friend Needy (Amanda Seyfried) is less gorgeous, less popular, and not a cheerleader, but we learn they have been BFF’s since the sandbox, and that kind of friendship lasts forever. Well, maybe not forever.
Low Shoulder becomes successful with a tribute song to those lost in the fire at the club in Devil’s Kettle, which really ticks off Needy because she distrusts the band and its creepy lead singer Nikolai (Adam Brody). What happened to Jennifer in the back of that van anyway? We soon find out, and it was nothing much more than we expected. However, is Jennifer’s admission to Needy that she is “not even a backdoor virgin” let alone a virgin proper, or her claim to the band that she’s “never done sex” the truth? The distinction is one of the more important plot points in a movie that survives on its own quick wits and blood.
As Spring Formal approaches, so too does the film’s conclusion. It comes full circle and goes a bit further. The film’s end is not so much an “aha!” moment than a “well, yeah…” moment, but it works nonetheless. Pay attention as the credits begin to roll, as it is here we find fulfillment with the ending.
All together, Jennifer’s Body is well made and original. It is also entertaining and very funny. Megan Fox shows that she can do a tad more than react to explosions, and Amanda Seyfried shows why she is still a better actress than her co-star. To say the least, Diablo’s Cody latest effort is anything but ordinary for teen horror films. But will she continue to stick to her witty yet unrealistic teenage-speak for future projects? While Juno had some well-developed characters over the age of 16, Jennifer’s Body is almost exclusively populated with high school kids. These words would sound too ridiculous coming from the mouths of anybody else. While she has a distinct style, if Cody insists on writing pop-culture infused banter, she may limit her character variety to, well, Juno.
Inglourious Basterds ****
Picture from: screenrant.com
Inglourious Basterds is Quentin Tarantino in top form. The film is a hyper-real exploration of historical actors and consequences in Nazi-occupied France during World War II. In the opening sequence we meet Col. Hans “The Jew Hunter” Landa (Christoph Waltz in an Oscar-worthy performance), an SS officer charged to round up all the Jews hiding in France. “The reason the Führer brought me off my Alps in Austria and placed me in French cow country today…,” Landa explains to a French dairy farmer as he seeks to gain information about the whereabouts of a Jewish family, “is because I’m aware of what tremendous feats human beings are capable of once they abandon dignity.” The sequence is a deliberate exercise in brewing tension and then boiling it over, finally erupting in a climax more affecting than the finale of most films.
The film is populated by a number of archetypes. Brad Pitt plays Lt. Aldo Raine, the leader of a company of Jewish-American soldiers called the Basterds. These are the soldier-heroes. They kill and scalp most every Nazi they come by, and they do it in dramatic fashion. Shosanna Dreyfus (Mélanie Laurent) is the dame—a Jew who passes as gentile. She runs a cinema in Paris, and her fate is intertwined with Col. Landa’s (the film’s primary villain) more than once. Frederick Zoller (Daniel Brühl) is a famed German soldier turned actor who endlessly flirts with Shosanna, a relationship she takes advantage of to seal the fate of more than one German.
All of these characters live in the moment. Though often described as a World War II movie, the film is far from a typical “war” movie. There is no boot camp or marching. There are no battles or dogfights. It is about people who live, breathe, kill, and most of all, talk to each other. The film is deliberately paced with long stretches of dialogue briefly interrupted by short bouts of violence. It works because we care what the characters say to each other. Pitt is in movie-star mode as Raine and Waltz is evil incarnate as Landa. But it is Mélanie Laurent who delivers a star-making role as Shosanna. Her character has the biggest arc and is the most important to the plot, and Laurent is a revelation. She can give an entire performance with her eyes.
All of the characters’ fates converge in the final chapter in Shosanna’s cinema. This last sequence is a grand set piece, naturally evolving into the film’s logical conclusion. Though it has been widely written about, I will not reveal the ending, as it is as apt and satisfying as you might expect. The film is raw yet subtle, utilizing five acts to develop the characters and then unite them in a climax befit a twenty-first century Shakespearean tragicomedy. It could be a novel, an opera, or a stage play if it weren’t so cinematic. Tarantino’s craft and storytelling ability bring together the best of all these art forms, combining structure, dialogue, blocking, editing, and music into a masterstroke of filmmaking. It will knock you on your ass and make you ask for more. The last words spoken in the film are “This may just be my masterpiece” before the frame crashes to the title card “Written and Directed by Quentin Tarantino.” Apt, indeed. Inglourious Basterds is one of the year’s best films.
Sorority Row *
Picture from: yourmoviestuff.com
The first shots of Sorority Row pan through a crowded party of half-naked, drunken coeds in the midst of their initiation into the Theta Pi sorority. It is one of those parties populated by such impossibly good-looking people we strain to find the address somewhere—anywhere. I’ve never seen a party like this in real life. I can safely assume they don’t exist.
We follow a handful of sisters from the sorority into a bedroom where they begin to watch a video feed of a prank that is sure to go wrong. As Megan (Audrina Patridge) begins to foam at the mouth after her boyfriend Garrett (Matt O’Leary) slips her a Roofy, Megan’s sorority sisters, led by Queen Bee Jessica (Leah Pipes) feign concern and rush to her side. Megan’s dead, or so Garrett thinks, so when the girls decide to dump the body in a secluded body of water, Garrett stabs Megan in the chest. Why? So the air will escape from her lungs and she will sink to the bottom. Why did the sisters play this prank in the first place? Garrett cheated on Megan, of course. So they decide to really dump her body and forget the bloody fiasco. All of them except Cassidy (Briana Evigan) jump on board, whom the others threaten to pin the murder on if she calls the cops.
From there, the film turns into a third-rate teen slasher/horror mash of implausible plot details, boring sequences of text messages and showers, and a less than satisfying conclusion. After graduation, those involved in dumping Megan’s body down the well begin to be killed off by a tire-iron wielding killer looking for vengeance. Peripheral characters beware: if you even heard about what really happened to Megan, you’re dead. In one sequence, sorority sister Chugs (Margo Harshman) pays a visit to her psychiatrist looking to score some prescription meds. The killer decides to take out the psychiatrist, who happens to be a sexual deviant. Clever. In another sequence, well, let’s just say you probably shouldn’t use the senior shower if you’re not a senior.
So who’s the killer? Some of the girls think it’s an insane Garrett. Others believe that Megan somehow came back to life, climbed out of a fifty foot well, and learned the intricate art of the tire iron. Or is it Megan’s creepy sister that turns up in the second act? When we find out who the killer really is, we don’t accept his/her explanation, and we don’t care to.
Sorority Row is typical fare for the modern teen slasher film. It is a poorly executed knock-off meant to recapture the heyday of the mid-nineties revival of the genre led by the much better Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer. Unlike those films, the characters in Sorority Row are directly responsible for the original killing, making the audience more apt to cheer for their deaths than their rescue. Perhaps that’s the point, but we don’t care that they die. We don’t care who kills them. We just don’t. If you miss this one, you won’t be missing much.
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